Exercise in Futility

So my summer thus far has basically entailed putting in about 40 hours a week at my restaurant job and about 3-12 at my internship. I don't know if it is possible to get fired from an unpaid position, but that seems to be quickly becoming a reality as my "personal days" off seem to be accumulating more rapidly than time actually spent at the office. The internship, however, is a topic for another post entirely.

The subject of this post concerns a practice at my restaurant which only serves to demoralize the staff. At the end of every shift, without fail, we have to sweep the carpet around and under our tables. SWEEP the CARPET. And not in a haphazard, half-ass kind of way which I have been accustomed to doing in almost every aspect of my daily activities. Rather, the carpet must be swept until it is rid of every single crumb, speck, and molecule to the point where it looks like it has never come into contact with a human being. Now, where I come from, vacuums are used to clean carpets while brooms are used to sweep hardwood floors and outdoor foliage. Using a broom to sweep a carpet is like taking a horse and carriage to the mall; slow and unnecessary.

The job itself sucks enough on its own merits. To add insult to injury, however, I have to spend about 40 minutes each night sweating profusely while I drag chairs and tables around viciously hacking at the carpet with a broom while silently cursing the gods above. Since I am relatively new to the job, it is not really my position to say anything about the complete futility of this practice. I also don't want to upset the corporate harmony which my restaurant constantly tries to achieve. Anybody known to speak out against work policies disappears silently and suddenly; their name crossed off the schedule with a black marker, never to be heard from again. No, I am not ready to put myself out there yet.

There are a number of reasons why sweeping the carpet has to be the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard of or been forced to participate in:

1. The availability of a financially reasonable and time-saving alternative. The vacuum. Enough said.
2. The scarcity of brooms and dustpans. Just like Prohibition in the 20s; when a resource becomes scarce, people will fight to the death to gain access to the precious commodity. The brooms have been disappearing like wildfire at work. We are down to only 3. This is in a restaurant with over 70 staff and the square footage of a football field. Where the fuck are they going? I expressed my anxiety over the issue to a fellow co-worker, who informed me that employees actually HIDE the brooms at the beginning of their shift just so they have one available when it is time to sweep. Are you kidding me???
3. The physical exertion necessary to successfully sweep the carpet. Sure, I'm no athlete, but I do go jogging on occasion and can climb a few flights of stairs without collapsing into convulsions. Why, then, does the mere act of sweeping make me feel like I just swam the English channel? The wear and tear on my biceps alone is palpable. My wrists are already developing signs of carpal tunnel; evidenced even as I type this blog now. I attribute it to the vigorous back-and-forth of broom to carpet; sweeping the same exact spot over and over because that little piece of tortilla just doesn't want to be swayed by a few horse-haired bristles.

This entire post may sound trite, or may make me sound like the laziest person in the world (I am) but I just can't stand the lack of efficiency, and knowing that my precious time is being wasted in such a manner. I'm over it. I don't know how much longer I will last there.