Is This Deranged??

Sometimes I do or think things that may or may not be completely psychotic. Maybe you can be the judge.

I like to visualize my own funeral when I'm going to sleep at night because it makes me cry and I can fall asleep faster. This is something that I have done for years. It began innocently enough, where I would just picture the manner in which I died, who would come to my funeral, etc. It has now evolved into a full blown funeral procession that I have orchestrated right down to the slide show and music.

Sometimes I am concerned that not enough people would be able to show up. I have lived in a lot of different places and it would be hard to find a central location to hold my memorial. Ideally, I would like people to be lining up outside, but this would only happen if my parents gave everyone enough notice to take work off (what is the standard protocol for missing work for funerals?, and do airlines sell discounted tickets for this sort of thing?) I would like my sister to say something, opening with a quote from a known author or poet. Then, to add an element of spontaneity, one of my friends would randomly stand and tell a funny story about me. People would laugh and cry at the same time (killer combination). Another friend would feel compelled to stand and give their piece.

The real piece de theatre of the whole funeral would be the slide show. I basically know what pictures I want to include. Obviously it would be chronological- baby pictures up until present day. I would like to state for the record that any photographs from my freshmen year of college should be omitted. Nobody likes a fat girl, even in death.

There are two songs that I want to be played in conjunction with the slide show. I will be emailing them to my sister shortly. The first is Joseph Arthur's "In the Sun". It will be a real tear-jerker; trust me. If anybody is still dry eyed after this song has played then they must have metal appendages and robot brains. This song is 4 minutes and 12 seconds long. At the 4 minute mark, I would like the second song to start playing over the first; creating a seamless transition. If anybody is skilled in audio mixing, let me know. Your services may be needed upon my death. The second song will be Dido's "Here With Me", although this is still tentative.

I am going to hover above the funeral and watch it proceed. I'm looking forward to see who turns up. For the record- no-shows will be haunted in their sleep.

I don't do this that often- probably no more than once a week. If you can relate to this then maybe we could be friends.