Hey, That's Not a Backpack!

There is an odd trend which is sweeping my law school at the moment. Whether it is specific to my school in particular, my geographic location, (Florida is hot and your shoulders get sweaty?), or the upper echelons of academia in general is yet to be known. Students, and more than a slight minority, are using suitcases as backpacks. Suitcases! Like the kind that comes off of the conveyor belt at LAX when you are on a two week vacation. I am honestly baffled every single day when I enter school, as to what practical purpose a suitcase serves as transportation for you books and laptop. What happened to the good old classic two-shoulder backpack?? There is a reason that it has been around for so long. Because it works! You don't see people going around looking for an alternative to forks and plates. Why fuck up a good thing?

First of all, the suitcase is entirely impractical. Sure, it has wheels and an extendable handle which is convenient for long walks (ie Terminal A to baggage claim). But my school is by no means large, extends vertically rather than horizontally, and the most one can walk is about 20 paces before reaching an elevator, or some other folly which causes the suitcase holder to have to readjust their stance/grip on the handle.

What really kills me is watching people with suitcases take the stairs in the library. Our library is three floors, without elevators, so it is entirely impossible to avoid them. And, since the suitcase-holders tend to be more studious than the rest (or are just fooling us all) they tend to flock in disproportionately higher numbers to the library. When ascending or descending the stairs, the student wielding the suitcase essentially has two options:

1. Lift up the suitcase like a small child and carry it up/down the stairs.

2. Tote it behind you as it clunks painfully down the stairs and causes a ruckus.

Obviously, option #2 is the more popular option. If you are so lazy that you have to wheel around 3 books, then you're sure as hell not going to defeat the purpose by physically carrying the suitcase up the stairs.

Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK IS IN YOUR CASE?? I mean, who are you trying to fool? We all take the same classes. We all have 5 books, give or take, and maybe a laptop. The school is equipped with an unnecessary amount of lockers for this purpose; and this purpose only. The only reason I could possibly foresee bringing a suitcase at the school is if you were planning to have a sleepover in the library. And who the fuck is going to do that??

For once, I would like to see somebody with a suitcase actually using it for its intended purpose. How about bringing a change of clothes? Wear a suit to school, decide spontaneously (or not, because you already planned ahead) to change into gym clothes because you are being choked by your lapel. Maybe even smuggle some around some Mexican immigrants (just be sure to leave a few inches unzipped for air). I bet you could fit at least 3 small children or two malnourished men in there.

Or maybe you could bring a picnic. But not just a normal picnic, a feast! Like the Last Supper! You could open up your suitcase and inside would be a portable Coleman stove and a Panini maker. That's where it's at. It would be the veritable travelling cafe, and you'd certainly be the talk of the school.

Until I hear an argument to the contrary, I will continue to find the suitcase/backpack utterly absurd.